--Drawers of Discontent--
Me: *Wearily enters the room*
Nightstand: Listen here, son… I been standin’ all night. You think YOU tired? Try holdin’ a lamp for 12 YEARS. I ain’t sat down since Vanilla Ice.”
Me: “Looks like I just need to adjust your drawer—”
Nightstand: Took you long enough...that drawer been crooked since the BUSH administration. The first one! You better fix it before I fall apart on your shift and make you have to actually work hard..
Me: “Lemme get the screwdriver—”
Nightstand: “Ya better make sure it’s the REAL one too! Not that little Dollar Store driver you keep in your pocket. I need PREMIUM care.
Me: “Your rails are worn out.”
Nightstand: MY rails worn out? coming in her limpin like one leg longer than the other. Fix ME before I say something about that hair cut you gave yourself..
Me: “I’m trying to help—”
Nightstand: “AND ANOTHER THING! Don’t you be slammin’ my drawer like you saw your tax statement. Ease me shut! I got feelings! This old wood been through two wars, five pets, and three owners who did not believe in coasters..."
Me: “Ok man, we finally finished. Even put some WD-40 on those hinges. Greased up like Rick James hair”
Nightstand: “Whew bout time! I thought my wood was gonna petrify by time you got done. Repair might even last through the holidays..."
Me: “Man, no kidding, I sure hope so. I stripped all the screws on accident and cant get the rails off if I tried...."
